Ultimate Spider-Man Episode Seventy: Inhumanity

Inhumanity

First Aired: August 4th, 2015

Synopsis: Spider-Man is fighting the villain Molten Man with assistance from Triton, an exchange student from the Inhuman city of Attilan. Triton is arrogant and doesn't contribute much so the fight so Spider-Man tells him to hang back and let him defeat Molten Man by himself, which he does. The next day while Nova mentions that the Inhumans appeared out of nowhere and revealed that they'd been hiding among humanity for centuries, their flying city, Attilan, suddenly appears and declares war on humans unless SHIELD surrenders. Triton is locked up but says that he knows nothing about why this would be, so Spider-Man frees him and flies him in a jet to Attilan to investigate. Fury gives them an hour to shut down the situation before SHIELD attacks Attilan. In Attilan Triton takes Spider-Man to see Black Bolt, the king of the Inhumans, but instead find Maximus has taken over the throne and is responsible for the declaration of war. Triton temporarily imprisons him with a deus ex machina called the Gyro-Cube, and then takes Spider-Man with him to find Black Bolt.

 

Triton and Spider-Man head to prison, where they're attacked by and defeat a brainwashed Karnak and Lockjaw. They free Black Bolt but find that he's also brainwashed. Maximus and the rest of the Inhuman royal family, also brainwashed, appear and Maximus starts moving Attilan down to crush Manhattan. Triton challenges Maximus to a duel which for some reason means that their seconds - Spider-Man and Gorgon - also have to fight. Gorgon is temporarily freed from mind control by Triton's whip, but Maximus fixes that up and Spider-Man and Triton realise that it's his crown that lets him control everyone. As Maximus starts brainwashing Triton Spider-Man smashes the crown, freeing all of the Inhumans. Attilan is still falling but Spider-Man moves Black Bolt into position so that a whisper from him knocks it back into the sky. In the aftermath Triton stays on at SHIELD Academy, and Spider-Man reveals that he's been invited to spend summer break in Attilan.

 

Sam Alexander is Actually the Worst:

• When Spider-Man's returning to class at the start of the episode as a result of fighting Molten Man, Nova comments that "Webs is so going to be late again!" and takes obvious pleasure in the punishment he anticipates Spider-Man getting.
• Triton is...not exactly what you'd call my favourite Inhuman, but Nova's a downright dick about him, saying that he's weird because, "He never makes eye contact, he never smiles, he talks funny..." Sensitive fellow, that Sam.

Miscellaneous Notes:

• When Spider-Man runs into Lockjaw he comments that he used to have a dog called Ms. Lion. Ms. Lion was, of course, the name of Aunt May's dog in Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends.

Review: Alongside many other Marvel heroes, I first encountered the Inhumans in the excellent video game Marvel: Ultimate Alliance, and thought that they were pretty great. This idea was only further validated when I started reading the Lee-Kirby Fantastic Four run, where they're also pretty great. So around this period in the comics, when the Inhumans started getting a push, I was initially open to the idea of them getting more of a spotlight. I won't get into all my thoughts on that, how my opinion changed, and why Ike Perlmutter is a piece of shit but the point is that I don't inherently dislike the Inhumans.

That's the comics version of the Inhumans, anyway. This version? The Inhumans here suck so much. Firstly, why would you choose Triton to be the breakout member of the Inhumans? Triton's always been one of the lamer members of the royal family (he couldn't even breathe air when he first appeared, guys), and they make him worse here by making him this pompous ass who can somehow magically summon a whip at will (because without a whip he's pretty useless). When Namor is arrogant it works, because Namor is a badass. When Triton is arrogant he's just unlikeable. Bonus points for him appearing at the academy out of nowhere for this episode - at least Squirrel Girl had made a brief appearance in a previous episode.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Inhumans are chumps who got brainwashed, so we don't really get to see that much of them. Attilan is apparently empty of anyone except the royal family, so I guess even the regular Inhumans don't like them. I normally like Black Bolt, but his voice pushing back Attilan both looks stupid and is stupid. Also, if he's brainwashed, why is he locked up? Nothing here really feels enjoyable or entertaining, so I guess it did its job of reflecting the contemporary comics' status quo pretty well in that regard.