Ultimate Spider-Man Episode Seventy-Three: Halloween Night at the Museum

Halloween Night at the Museum

First Aired: October 10th, 2014

Synopsis: Spider-Man heads to the museum on Halloween, keen to see the Camelot exhibit he hasn't gotten the chance to see yet. Jessie, a teenager apparently looking after some kids or something, is also trying to get in with them before taking them out trick or treating, but the exhibition is closed for the night as they approach. They, and Spider-Man, sneak in, but one of the kids touches a sword which causes energy to go around the museum. Morgan Le Fay appears from a portal and declares that she wants to create eternal darkness over the Earth using the sword, which Jessie has taken. Morgan locks the museum up and brings the exhibits to life as the heroes run away. Spider-Man and Jessie argue for a bit before fighting a giant worm that attacks them, then moving to an area of the museum filled with planes. Spider-Man has to explain the plot to Jessie, but they're interrupted by a Jack O'Lantern-headed monster created by Morgan.

Spider-Man's able to stop Jack O'Lantern but the kids keep running off because they're morons. Jessie, meanwhile, gets captured by cavemen, so Spider-Man then has to go and save her. Morgan soon reappears and transforms the pet crocodile one of the kids inexplicably owns into a dragon, which chases everyone but Jessie away. Jessie pretends to surrender the sword to Morgan but then attacks her when she gets closer to retrieve it. The dragon manages to recognise its owner and stops attacking the kids, who then ride it with Spidey to attack Morgan, who is still fighting Jessie for some reason. The sword then gets placed back where it was found, which seals Morgan away and restores the museum to normal. Spider-Man tells Jessie that she's really competent and that if she had a show he'd definitely recommend watching it. The sun rises and Jessie complains that the kids have missed Halloween, so for some reason Spider-Man takes the kids to the Helicarrier which is apparently equally exciting.

Miscellaneous Notes:

• Blade was implied to be set on Halloween, which means that at least a year has passed within the show's timeline. On the one hand, this does sort of line up with Peter graduating high school; on the other, I hope something in a later episode contradicts this so that I have an excuse to declare this episode non-canon.
• I have no clue what the show Jessie is about and already had no desire to watch it, but as a final nail in the coffin that is reasons not to watch it, at the end of the episode one of the kids says, "I think I can see our penthouse from here!" A show about rich kids, sounds amazing. At least it explains why they're such little shits.

Review: In case you didn't pick up on it, this episode is a crossover with Jessie, which is some sort of live-action Disney thing. I have no idea what it was about and frankly don't care, and I think it's safe to say that this episode doesn't want me to watch it either - there's no attempt to explain what the show is about, who the kids are, or why Jessie is looking after them. The closest thing to any sort of explanation is the way the show keeps shilling Jessie as this incredibly competent person who's tough and can handle whatever's thrown at her, but it kind of comes off as pretty weak next to Spider-Man repeatedly saving literally everyone.

So the episode's already starting off pretty badly by refusing to explain who more than half of its characters are, but if you're hoping that it's uphill from there, you'll be disappointed. Most of the episode is Spider-Man and the kids having random adventures in the museum which fails to contribute much to the plot. There's an inexplicable point where Jessie suddenly demands answers from Spider-Man and he does so, even though she was the one who was actually present when Morgan Le Fay appeared and cheerfully explained how having the unnamed sword would let her take over the world. Jessie tricking Morgan by surrendering the sword then attacking the villain when she gets closer is framed as though Morgan's defeated, but about a minute later we see the fight's still ongoing. It's all quite bad.

Not that I want this episode fixed, or remembered for that matter, but if I had to suggest a way to do it, I'd say to start off with a better introduction of Jessie and her gaggle of kids. "Every comic is someone's first" is a thing you hear from time to time, explaining the importance of introducing even the recurring characters to a new audience, and I see no reason why the same advice shouldn't apply to this episode. After that's done, I'd say to firstly not have the kids act like morons, and secondly, have Spider-Man bond with them. Have him try and get them interested in science, or encourage them to spend time with their parents in a way he can't do with his. Something more personal, not this weak magical junk that just leaves us with a shitty plot that nobody cares about - and I'm including the writers in that.