Ultimate Spider-Man: After Watching

I've had a lot to say about Ultimate Spider-Man over the course of the last hundred-odd posts, and I've got a lot to say about it here, in my post-watching post, but there is something I'd like to say about it up front. I've been pretty critical of the series overall, and this post isn't going to be much kinder, but something that I will say in the show's defence is that it's hard to tell how much bad writing is due to executive meddling. I hated shit like the Sinister Six's ugly-ass "upgrades", but what are the odds that they were added in because some soulless being in a suit wanted to sell toys, not because the writers and designers thought, "Yes, this is genius"? There's no way to tell which pieces of bad writing were there thanks to the writers, which were due to writing constraints, and which were forced upon them, but with regards to the latter two, their presence is somewhat more forgiveable in the story. I can't fault the writers for going along with the bidding of their corporate overlords rather than resigning in disgust; they need money to live too.

Now, with that out of the way, let's ask the question: what does hurt Ultimate Spider-Man's quality so much, and makes me dislike it so much in spite of a pretty decent premise? Firstly, as I pointed out in more than a few posts, I think that the internal logic of the show is frequently faulty (and unfortunately, I don't think that this one can be blamed on executives). Taking a random episode as an example - Cloak and Dagger - Cloak is randomly able to be controlled by Dormammu, and Dormammu is looking to create an army of mystics when he already has an army of Mindless Ones, and doing so only attracts the heros' attention. The show constantly pulls things like this - characters do things only because the plot requires them to, or we'll be told that "Doing this thing will do the thing we want!" even when there's no logical connection between the two. I don't need some elaborate hard sci-fi explanation for why something works, but if I'm unable to suspend my sense of disbelief as frequently as I was watching the show, something's wrong. On a related note, the fights are also frequently subject to this logic, and very few of them were entertaining or well-choreographed.

A second issue I have with the show is that the writers fail to sell the characters very well. Everyone craps themselves when the Green Goblin appears, and he constantly monologues about how smart he is and how everything's going to plan, but he's more boring and annoying than anything. Peter talks about how much his teammates are his family, then complains about how they're living in his house and can't wait for them to get back to the Helicarrier. His teammates themselves end something like half the episodes in the first season playing a prank on Peter or laughing at him for something, and it doesn't come across as funny - it's spiteful. The writers have solid enough ideas for the characters, but the majority of the time they're executed poorly.

Another thing that hurts the show, admittedly not as badly as the above two points, is that it's frequently full of wasted potential. Spider-Man's teammates all move in with him, then move back to the SHIELD Helicarrier before half of the second season is even over. The New Warriors are gradually set up over the first few episodes of the third season, but quickly fade into the background and don't do much. Scorpion and Kraven the Hunter are set up as antagonists for Iron Fist and White Tiger, respectively, but soon become just another pair of villains in the crowd that's going after Spider-Man. The show rarely feels like it's willing to break free of the status quo, even when what's on offer is much more tantalising and different to what we've seen before.

The final thing I've identified (off the top of my head, admittedly) that hurts the show is probably one that a lot of people have an issue with when it comes to the show - it's really damn inane at times. More or less a year ago in my pre-watching post I said that I didn't have an issue with the fourth-wall breaking moments. How very, very wrong I was - I'd obviously blocked out my memory of just how bad the cutaway "jokes" in the show are, and they really bring things down a lot. Thankfully they started getting phased out as the show continued, but even once they're cut out there's plenty of childish stuff in the show (the stock scream Spider-Man gives when surprised or scared stands out). Apparently someone mistook "aimed at children" for "the writing has to be childish".

Still, the show does have its moments of competence - what does work? I like the Avengers, and that they're constantly presented as the standard the Spider-Man is striving for. I like Spider-Man's teammates (his original team, the New Warriors, and the spider-themed heroes) when we get a rare moment of insight into who they are, and when they're not there just to get thrown around by the villains. (Come to think of it, were there any times when Spider-Man was defeated by the villain, and one of his teammates saved the day?) I liked that pretty much all of Spider-Man's allies and supporting cast learned his identity and supported him once they did. I loved that Norman Osborn here mostly turned out to be a good guy, and that when cured of being the Green Goblin, he (eventually) stayed cured.

Yeah...looking at it broadly, there's a lot more bad things than good things here.

To wrap things up, I'll go over a few last miscellaneous thoughts before getting to the best and worst episodes of the series so that you, the intelligent reader, know what to look forwards to and what to avoid if you decide to check out this series:

• J. Jonah Jameson is really wasted here, and it's a pity because he's voiced by none other than J. K. Simmons. All he ever does is scream at Spider-Man, with none of the nuance or comedy that makes him such a beloved character. There's maybe two or three episodes at most where he actually influences or affects the plot, and even then I'd hardly say that his presence is essential.
• Speaking of Jamesons - remember when The Man-Wolf ended with John Jameson being held in containment? The writers don't!
• Another dropped plot point is the end of The Parent Trap - Luke's eyes started glowing, hinting that he'd get new powers, but this never goes anywhere.
• Agent Coulson is mentioned in Agent Venom to have disappeared on a "special classified mission," and that's the last we ever see of him. My headcanon is that his secret mission was to kill Nova, because everyone at SHIELD was sick of him but didn't want to be the first to say so. Although...I guess this means that he failed. Actually, I dunno, maybe he was playing the long game and a few seconds after the final episode he completed his mission. Okay, yeah, that works for me.
• Ava Ayala - White Tiger, for those of you not keeping up - is constantly presented as being obsessed with schoolwork and training, telling off the others most of the time when they want to have fun. It's meant to be annoying, and from what I've seen online a lot of people didn't like her, but it honestly worked pretty well for me - particularly in the first season, other characters are frequently so juvenile and irritating that it was nice to have someone with a clear head on their shoulders. For bonus points, the reason for her being so disciplined is justified very well with her backstory.
• I Am Spider-Man has Miles Morales listed as one of the students at the school, three seasons before the alternate Miles travels to this universe and eventually begins living here. I know it's just an easter egg for comic viewers, but still, it would be cool for them to meet, or for Peter to have realised, "Wait, there's a random student at my school who's your counterpart!"
  

 

Top Ten Best Episodes

1. The Moon Knight Before Christmas: Yeah, yeah, like we didn't all know that this was going to be here. Mysterio suddenly getting retconned into Spider-Man's backstory is clunky as hell, but it's nice that he gets an arc and happy ending. More importantly, Moon Knight Moon Knight Moon Knight!!!
2. Agent Venom: This episode is already great just on the merits of featuring what I'd probably call the best action sequence of the entire series, but on top of that it introduces Flash as Agent Venom and sets up a pretty good premise for the next few episodes. Throw in a good character-based story and you'll have a great time here.
3. Return to the Spider-Verse, Part One: God, if only the entire arc held up this level of quality. The premise of why the characters need to travel to different universes is justified well, and having Miles along for the ride helps a lot too. Throw in Blood Spider's understandable betrayal and the twist that newcomer Wolf is actually Wolf Spider and you've got a seriously strong start to the arc.
4. Ultimate Deadpool: While I prefer Deadpool to have a bit more darkness than he's portrayed with here, he's nevertheless written quite well here and is pretty entertaining. His fourth-wall breaks are integrated into the show quite well, and Spider-Man's realisation that he's willing to murder is a good source of conflict.
5. Kraven the Hunter: Ava having conflict over supressing her more feral instincts is a genuinely great struggle, and her origin is told well too. Kraven the Hunter also works really well as a part of her backstory, and while he gets watered down as the show goes on, he's fantastic here.
6. Graduation Day, Part One: While the episode is a little formulaic - Spider-Man goes to a different area with a different team and beats up the villains there - it does a nice job of reminding us of all of the allies he's made and the relationships he has with them. A bit too much of it is lip service, but it ends with a good cliffhanger to compensate for it.
7. Anti-Venom: Flash's flaws driving the episode feels fairly realistic, as does him never really getting over them here, as I expected him to. The fights are fairly well-done, too, and Anti-Venom's always a pleasure to see.
8. I Am Spider-Man: A really fun episode overall, with a lot of good gags coming from Coulson getting really into the role of director. It also finds the time to give Flash some early character development - when it's not doing yet another gag about how bad his singing is.
9. Graduation Day, Part Two: There's some parts of the episode that really don't work (i.e. the giant octopus monster), and the pacing is a bit rushed, but the way the episode (and series) ends once the main threat is dealt with is genuinely really lovely writing.
10. Beetle Mania: Beetle's a pretty great villain throughout the entire series, and having an entire episode as the villain is great for showcasing why. He's consistently competent and provides some good fights. The episode also ends with a good twist, thwarting his mission in a believable way.

Honourable Mention: Hawkeye isn't the best episode by any means - it's mostly just fighting and fighting and fighting some more - but a lot of it is Clint calling Spider-Man out on his shit and dissing his stupid motorcycle, so that's all pretty enjoyable. Also: Hawkeye!

Top Ten Worst Episodes:

1. Doomed: This episode kind of sums up almost everything wrong with the show - the characters are obnoxious, the plot's complete tripe, the fights suck, Nova exists - and doesn't really have any redeeming factors. Every second is painful to sit through, and I really wish that Doctor Doom had won, so that we wouldn't have any more episodes of this show to sit through.
2. Itsy-Bitsy Spider-Man: The comedy in the show is pretty weak the majority of the time, but this episode not only does worse than the usual standard, it spends the entire episode doing so, and failing every time. The one thing I'll give it above the entry above is that at least it telegraphs how bad it is early on.
3. The Symbiote Saga, Part Three: Mary Jane becoming the Carnage Queen sounds like an idea from an edgy fifteen-year old's fanfic, and I suspect that this episode might be based on one. Between all the stupid Carnage forms, a convenient mind control device, and how fucking edgy the Carnage Queen is, this episode is pretty unwatchable.
4. Rise of the Goblin: The episode that made me quit the show once, and would have made me quit it a second time, were I not so devoted to you, my dear readers. Barely anything that happens in this episode makes sense, and characters jump around in their motivations at the drop of a hat. It's badly-written nonsense, through and through.
5. Halloween Night at the Museum: Who is Jessie, and who are the obnoxious brats she drags around with her? I don't know, I don't care, and you know what? Even if I did, this episode would still be crap.
6. House Arrest: Spider-Man and his team fighting SHIELD security measures wouldn't be a mind-blowing plot at the best of times, and seeing as how this isn't the best of times, it's pretty bad. Additionally, Spider-Man deciding that his team are actually his family would have a lot more weight behind it if he hadn't continuously complained about how annoying they are, and if he hadn't realised this, like, three or four times already.
7. Awesome: No. This title is wrong and is lying. The episode is not awesome, it was never awesome, and it will never be awesome. Please leave.
   
8. Miles From Home: I'm all for more Miles Morales, but please bring him into the show through better logic than this. There's all this nonsense about realities destabilising that's really just bad writing to justify him being here, and for bonus points, we've got another obnoxious Green Goblin.
9. The Spider-Verse, Part 4: After several episodes building up to this point, the arc ends with a pretty small whimper. The Goblin getting spider powers looks dumb and is dumb, and there's not enough space for the alternate Spider-Men to show off their unique traits.
   
10. Home Sick Hulk: The episode picks up marginally towards the end, but a lot of it is inane nonsense with Spider-Man trying to hide the Hulk from Aunt May. Even when it gets better it's not by much - do the writers understand how antibodies work?

Honourable Mention: I was incredibly tempted to put Return to the Spider-Verse, Part Four here somewhere, but ultimately decided that the first half is acceptable enough that it doesn't deserve a place on the list. The second half though...wow, that is some writing, all right. Just judging it by that half, I'd probably put it in-between Halloween Night at the Museum and House Arrest.

Next time, I'll be putting down some initial thoughts on the upcoming viewing of Marvel's Spider-Man. I hope you'll join me for them.